Less than two months after Ashlie was born, I woke up with a feeling I couldn’t ignore: We were supposed to start a nonprofit organization to bring CuddleCots to every hospital in the United States. Mom learns her baby will die but chooses to cherish the pregnancy Our country is one of the most advanced nations in the world, yet my husband and I spent less than one hour with our first child. Some families and loss groups have placed CuddleCots across the nation, but there are still so many hospitals without one. It made me angry we didn’t have that option, and the more I thought about how little time we had with her, the more upset I became. It allows parents and families the option to have up to 96 hours with the baby before saying goodbye. It referenced a CuddleCot, a device that keeps a baby cool (instead of frozen or at room temperature) and slows the natural changes that occur after death. For two more days, I stayed in the hospital without her, thinking that was just how it was supposed to be.Īs I prepared to go home, I read an online article about stillbirth. He took her from the room, and I never saw her again. Should we hold her? Lay her down? Ask for a bassinet? Could we sleep with her? How long could she stay? I didn’t know what else to do, so after about 20 minutes, I kissed every feature I could see and handed her back to Tony. My nurses were amazing and said we could see her whenever we wanted, but we didn’t know what we were supposed to be doing.
#No heartbeat at 6 weeks skin
I did not change or bathe her, nor did I feel her soft baby skin against mine. I never saw her feet or her body under all the blankets.
Tony asked me not to unwrap her blankets, knowing I wouldn’t want to remember her that way. Her pouty Cupid’s bow, her perfect nose and her tiny ears and fingers were angry and purple. Less than 15 hours after she was born, the extreme temperature had already begun to twist her delicate features. and 22 ¾ inches) swaddled and laying in a basket. He brought her in from the hospital’s cold room, her long, plump body (8 lb. The next afternoon, I asked my husband if I could see Ashlie. Fearing I would drop her, I handed our perfect baby girl to my mom and fell asleep. After holding Ashlie for less than 30 minutes, exhaustion and medicine crept in, making it impossible to concentrate. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep took some photos, then I passed her to my family. I choked out a ‘Yes,’ and held our first child’s lifeless body as they wheeled me back to my room. My doctor later told us it was a freak accident.Īs they prepared me to leave the operating room, the nurse asked if I wanted to hold our baby. It was tightly wrapped three times around her neck and once around her ankle. He watched as they untangled Ashlie’s umbilical cord. And she’s beautiful,’ he said as he choked back tears, his voice proud and warm amid the cold of the operating room. He leaned over the drape and whispered that she was here. We’d waited so long for this and been through so much together. My husband, my rock, watched his baby girl being born. on October 28, 2015, there was no sound-no baby crying, no happy words-just overwhelming sadness and silence. After 24 hours of labor, I had a C-section. I was in and out of sleep after two failed epidurals. Why didn’t I make my doctor induce that morning?ĭoctors immediately began the induction process. What did I do wrong? Did I sleep on my back? Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that lunchmeat. Over and over I sobbed into Tony’s neck, ‘I’m so sorry.’ I carried her. I felt so ashamed as a nurse wheeled me to a delivery room. We rushed to the hospital, where our daughter’s motionless back was highlighted on an ultrasound. I lay still, trying to ignore my rising panic and willing her to move. An hour after that, I realized she wasn’t being very active. The doctor said everything looked good, and induction was scheduled for six days later, unless she came on her own.Ībout 10 hours later, I was relaxing on the couch and felt a giant kick. The tests were to determine if I had enough amniotic fluid and Ashlie was healthy enough to wait for induction. We went to my doctor for a non-stress test and ultrasound. The morning of Oct. 27, 2015, I was 41 weeks and one day along. My due date came and went, which made everyone crazy. I was loving every single moment of being pregnant and had truly never been happier. Gummy Bear ate lots of ice cream and was growing well. We hit all the milestones and everything was great.
My pregnancy was perfect-no morning sickness, aches or other issues. Cathren was a tribute to my mom, Cathie, and his mom, Karen. Tony always liked the name Ashley, and we agreed to spell it differently.
In June, we learned Gummy Bear was a girl and chose the name Ashlie Cathren. We nicknamed the baby Gummy Bear, because at my eight-week ultrasound, we both agreed that’s what it looked like.
0 kommentar(er)
